At times, there can be little to laugh about when it comes to travel. However, to prove that theory wrong, I’ve compiled 14 of my favorite travel funnies of all time. Pull these the next time you’re flight is delayed!
I’ve used the famous quote from Lao Tzu many times: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” However, this interpretation from an anonymous source is hilarious:
- A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. Unknown (bah hah hah!!)
- Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo. Al Gore
- [Airline food] is the tiniest food I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get — chicken, steak, anything — has grill marks on each side, like somehow we’ll actually believe there’s an open-flame grill in the front of the plane. Ellen de Generes
- The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist. Russell Baker
- If you are going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill (although wasn’t there a whiskey company that used this quote as their ad slogan?!?!)
- I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman
- Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. Unknown
- When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money. Unknown
CBS journalist Charles Kuralt had a couple of zingers:
- “Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.”
- You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way (the early) navigators used stars.
A little homage to New York City (my hometown!):
- My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport. Dennis Miller
- On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. Lewis Grizzard
And two of my favorite quotes from none other than Mark Twain (I’m sure traveling was quite awful in the late 1800’s!!!):
- I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.